You were right all along (COMMENTARY)

Doughnut the Glaceon was at it again. She was very much certain that Mittens, her Meowstic battle partner,

Yeah...BATTLE PARTNER...don't even lie to yourself, 2014 me, you started crack-shipping Doughnut and Mittens, and it became your best off-of-deviantart work of 2014.

was part of some giant conspiracy; however, no one believed her.

FUNNY THING, I HAD A CHARACTER THAT WAS EXACTLY LIKE THIS! Her name was Gia, and she's the character that was my icon at the time. I plan to completely reconstruct her, and give her story to Doughnut, except, you know, do it WELL.

They all thought she was being ridiculous. Maybe it was inspired by a nightmare, since that’s usually the case,

I used this plot thread 3 times. It only worked once. And THAT was a nightmare INSPIRED BY A PREVIOUSLY EXISTING FEAR.

and it was definitely possible this close to Halloween. But, no. It WASN’T a nightmare. It was closer to a nightmare come true.

LIKE THIS STORY! JUST NOT IN THE WAY THAT YOU WANTED!

Doughnut was in the forest, casually minding her own business, when suddenly, “HOLY TREE,” Doughnut yelped.

HEY, HERE WE ARE, IN ESPECIALLY STUPID TERRITORY!

There was a chopped down tree, laying on the ground, with a chainsaw beside it. “He should have just spray painted ‘MITTENS WAS HERE’ on the tree,”

Honestly, considering how stupid this story is, I'm surprised he DIDN'T!

She grumbled. “You’re calling your villain Mittens,” Laila the Leafeon asked.

"SHUT UP! AND DON'T CALL ME MITTENS! How many threatening villains do you know that can pull of a name like MITTENS?!"

“Although to be fair, he is Katie’s Pokémon, and ‘she doesn’t suspect a thing’.”

OH BY THE WAY, KATIE IS NOWHERE IN THIS! YEAH, SHE AND CANDY'S TRAINER DIDN'T EVEN GO LOOKING FOR THEIR POKEMON AT ALL! WHAT GREAT TRAINERS THEY ARE, AM I RIGHT?!

Doughnut ignored Laila, and went to find where Mittens was.

Maybe he's with his trainer? Then again, his trainer is completely useless in this story because PLOT.

Doughnut saw him talking to Candy.

Candy just randomly materializes here. I'm pretty sure Sylveon can't learn teleport.

“Why did you do that,” Candy asked. “It was blocking the way of your beauty,”

3/10

Mittens replied. “Ugh,” Doughnut rolled her eyes. “That very nice of you to say,” Candy smiled.

Uh...okay? Isn't it kind of creepy how this maniac just cuts down this tree for no reason, seriously, there was no reason for that, literally why, and then just randomly starts flirting with you, WHERE IS ANYONE'S MOTIVES?!

“THIS IS A BAD SHIPPING,” Laila yelled from a distance.

GUYS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SCAAAAARED

“But I already have a boyfriend.” “GNIPPIHS DAB A SI SIHT,” Laila yelled again.

THIS IS A THING I SUBMITTED TO THE PUBLIC. Why...

That’s when Dan arrived. “Should we go now,” Candy asked. “Yeah, we should leave,” Dan replied.

THIS IS SO AWKWARDLY NARRATED NOOOOOOOOOOO

“Bye Candy,” Mittens’s eyes narrowed, “Bye, Dan.”

OH SHEOOT CRUD'S ABOUT TO GO DOOOOOOOOOO-oh wait this is stupid.

Meanwhile, a funeral had just ended,

Man, how much does it have to suck to have your funeral be on Halloween?

and Doughnut arrived at the graveyard. “I have no idea why I’m here,” Doughnut muttered,

That's a good question! WHY IS DOUGHNUT HERE?!

“Probably to look for CLUES!!!!”

...Eh, I'm just going to assume she just randomly stumbled here, thinking she could find some clues.

That’s when a young Eevee came running in.

We never learn anything about this character. I'm not even kidding. She literally just comes in to tell Doughnut she was right, and we never see how she figured this out.

“Doughnut,” She panted, “I came to warn you. You were right all along!”

Oh, hey, look, we got a title dro-

(TITLE DROP)

...and here it is...the "witty" self-aware commentary, that really just emphasizes how bad this is.

“I KNEW IT,” Doughnut exclaimed, “Wait. Why do you all of the sudden…” Doughnut turned to the gravestones. “Were killed by a big ugly monster…”

I SHARED THIS WITH PEOPLE, THIS WAS MY BIG HALLOWEEN SPECIAL. Also the "BIG UGLY MONSTER" has literally nothing to do with anything.

She read, and, all of a sudden, a paw reached out from one of the gravestones. The Eevee screamed and ran off, Doughnut close behind.

MUST HAVE BRAINS AND REVENGE…

...

ZOMBIES?!

ZOMBIES-

Okay, let me just say that in my defense, I didn't do this all by myself. I had help from Shy.

But...

the zombies thing was entirely my idea-WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA-

That’s when Mittens came around the corner.

Because he's here for some reason. Like, at least with Doughnut, you can argue that she just stumbled in there looking for clues, but what's Mittens' excuse?

“Follow me,” Mittens called to the zombies,

WHY ZOMBIES EVEN-LIKE, THIS LITERALLY ADDS NOTHING TO THE STORY, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THE ZOMBIE PLOT THREAD BEING IN THE ORIGINAL DRAFT, OR ANY DRAFT, OF DOUGHNUT'S THEORY!

“And you can have the revenge you desire.” The zombies agreed, and they went off.

Not to mention Mittens does all the important stuff.

Mittens arrived at the Dazzling Meadow, with the zombies right behind.

NOBODY NOTICES ZOMBIES RUNNING AROUND!

The zombies ran to find the monster, while also sending a warning that they are strange things going on, but not revealing what they are.

That...THEY are strange things going on...? Don't you mean THERE are strange things going on? Also, why would they want to alert people of strange things, isn't that the last thing you want to do?

(And Luno had no idea this was going on. XP)

DO I EVEN NEED TO BE HERE, DO I-

Mittens peeked through the rock houses to see which one Dan was in. (Dude, you creepy stalker! )

Just...stop...stop trying to be quirky...you even put in the emoji and everything, why...

He eventually found the right house, and went inside.

Because I guess Dan just leaves his door unlocked.

Doughnut, aware of this, pulled out Katie’s holocaster, (which she just happened to have),

Did she just steal it from Katie? OR YOU KNOW WHAT?! IS KATIE DEAD?! THERE IS NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR KATIE'S DISAPPEARANCE OTHER THAN KATIE BEING A HORRIBLE TRAINER, OR KATIE BEING DEAD. WHO KNOWS?! MAYBE MITTENS KILLED HER AND THE FUNERAL FROM EARLIER WAS HER'S! Oh, wait, then that'd actually be scary...right.

and warned Candy. (Who ALSO happened to have a holocaster!)

AND WHERE DID CANDY GET HER'S?! DID SHE JUST STEAL IT FROM CALUM? BECAUSE CANDY'S ORIGINAL TRAINER WAS FROM JOHTO, BUT THAT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, SO WHEN I GOT CANDY IN POKEMON SUN, I JUST MADE THE ALOLAN TRAINER I WAS PLAYING AS HER TRAINER. EITHER WAY, NEITHER OF THEM HAVE A HOLOCASTER!

“Candy you have to come over here,” Doughnut yelled into the holocaster, “I was right!”

Because she's just going to believe you.

“Yeah, sure,” Candy groaned, “I’ll be there.”

As you can see, Candy wants no part of this, just like you.

That’s when Dan woke up. “That’s weird,” Dan muttered, “I thought I heard something.” Doughnut was ducking under a table, pointing at Mittens right behind him.

I guess it's only wrong to sneak into somebody's house when the bad guy does it. Then again, Doughnut may not have any other choice.

“What are you pointing at, Doughnut,” He asked. “Turn around,” She whimpered.

Well, at least she's considerate. Why she doesn't help though, I don't know.

He turned around to see Mittens standing there. (Okay, nobody can make that work.)


I seriously don't understand why I'm here.


“How did you get in here,” Dan asked.

Why didn't you ask Doughnut that? Also WHY WAS MITTENS JUST STANDING THERE UNTIL YOU NOTICED HIM?!

“You left your door unlocked,” He replied. (Yep, that’ll do it.)

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP INTERJECTING PLEASE

“Okay,” Dan shivered, “Then WHY are you here?” “Candy can only be with one of us,” Mittens now had a smirk on his face, “and I’m afraid that it can’t be you.”

No romantic or even platonic interactions were established between Candy and Mittens before that one day.

“I don’t think so,” Dan replied.

Okay, I like how Dan isn't just a complete coward in this. He is officially best character. Too bad he dies-oh yeah, spoilers, he dies, but I'm sure you saw that coming from a mile away.

Dan used Psyshock! Mittens avoided the attack!

Dodges no miss

Mittens used Psybeam! A critical hit! Doughnut flinched and couldn’t move!

Okay, I'll admit, that was pretty clever.

Dan used Psybeam! A critical hit! Mittens used Psyshock! A critical hit!

Why is every attack a critical hi-

(Everything is rigged to have a critical hit. DURP.)

...Never mind.

Dan used Disarming Voice! A critical hit! Mittens used Thunderbolt! A critical hit! Doughnut fled!

I'm Doughnut running from this terrible story.

Now they were both at their weakest point. If this was a Pokémon game, (Which I guess it kind of is, but anyway),

STOP BEING QUIRKY, ONE OF THE CHARACTERS IS LITERALLY ABOUT TO DIE. Also, I'd just like to point out that Dan isn't even my character, or at least he WASN'T, at the time that this THING was made.

their HP would be in the last sliver. Mittens got back up first and approached Dan.

Because of course he did.

“Candy belongs with ME,” Mittens hissed,

YOU NEVER HAD ANY ESTABLISHED INTEREST IN HER OTHER THAN, "SHE'S GOOD-LOOKING"!

“And I can’t have you getting in the way.”

These are like the most basic yandere lines I've ever heard.

Dan saw Mittens holding something sharp and spiky,

Don't sharp and spiky kind of mean the same thing? Whatever, it's not important.

with an evil smile across his face,

I think I drew that, but it actually looked good.

“Goodbye, Dan…”

OH SHOOT IT'S LIKE WHAT HE SAID TO DAN EARLIER OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh...........

Candy ran into the rock house to find Dan lying on the ground.

I'm assuming he was bleeding, but I was too squeamish to write blood, which I guess is fine if you ARE squeamish, but...I literally just had a murder scene.

“Wake up,” Candy’s voice was clearly breaking.

Baby no

“He can’t wake up,” Mittens replied, “The thing separating us is no longer with you.”

Wait, so Mittens just REVEALED IT WAS HIM? COULDN'T HE HAVE JUST PLAYED AS A WITNESS, AND HID ALL THE EVIDENCE THAT IT WAS HIM?! Also that sentence that he said to Candy makes literally no sense.

“Wait, YOU did this,” Candy shouted, “FORGET IT, YOU PSYCHO!!!!”, followed with a slap across the face.

Aw heck yeah.

(Well, that escalated.)

WHY AM I HERE?! Also, I don't understand how that was "escalating", that was perfectly justified if someone murdered your lover.

“Alright then,” Mittens responded, “I’ll go.”

All the while, never realizing that the zombies didn’t get their fair share of the deal…..

Vague ending for the sake of having a vague ending. Also the zombies contributed nothing, and how do we know that they never got their share of the deal?! We never saw them do anything!!!